No one’s perfect, that's a fact. But what do you do when someone you know irritates you so much that you get tense every time you see them? Whether it’s a coworker, friend, neighbor, relative, or anyone else, how can you shield yourself from their difficult behavior, and resolve the conflict without causing further distress?
Maybe you can’t change the person that is driving you crazy, but there may be something you can do to prevent further conflict. It’s true that you may not be able to control the other person, but you can control your own behavior. Depending on the reason for the annoyance, you may be able to diffuse negative behavior simply by the way you handle yourself in the situation. But first, you must understand the root of the conflict.
People usually react the way they do because they are triggered by an emotion. Whether they understand the underlying factor that is causing their behavior is another matter. But even if they don’t understand the point of their frustration, you may be able to figure it out. Therefore, the first step in dealing with a difficult person is understanding why they are behaving the way they are. In my experience, the real reason for the conflict is rarely the obvious one, so taking the extra time to look deeper into the situation can only work to your benefit.
To do this, take a step back and observe not only how they treat you, but also how they treat others. Are there similarities between the two? Do they treat some people better than others, and if so, why do you think this is? Could it be a simple personality conflict, or is their behavior caused by a deeper issue? Understanding why the person is behaving the way they are is the first step, and quite frankly, the key to determining how to resolve the conflict at hand.
Once you feel as though you understand why the person is behaving the way they are, the next step is to try and figure out your role in the situation. Are they angry with you specifically, or do they seem to have trouble interacting with others as well? If it seems to be isolated to you alone, try to figure out why this may be. Is it really because you did something that they didn’t like, or could it be another reason, like a difference of opinion, or a simple misunderstanding that has gotten out of control? There are a thousand possible reasons why people don’t get along, so it may take some time and effort to figure out why this is the case. Regardless of the reason, figuring out your role in the situation is another critical step in accomplishing the ultimate goal: understanding why the conflict exists, and doing something to resolve it to the best of your ability.
Once you feel as though you understand your role, the next step is to decide if you can make changes to your own behavior in order to accomplish your goal. Now, this probably doesn’t seem fair. After all, why should you have to change the way you behave in order to please another who is being difficult? Well, the simple fact remains that if the situation is causing you distress, then something must change, and since how you handle the situation can make a difference, it may be worth putting forth the effort to make it better. In fact, sometimes the best way to diffuse a situation is to stay calm and repeat back to them your understanding of the issue. It’s amazing how helpful this tool can be when you are caught in a confrontational situation.
When at all possible, try communicating with the person directly. Sometimes having an open conversation can resolve misunderstandings and help both parties understand the other’s point of view. I understand that this is not always possible. But in the end, if coming to a resolution is the ultimate goal, an open conversation may be worthwhile. After all, sometimes having a difficult conversation is better than remaining in an unpleasant situation.
There’s no doubt that people can be difficult to deal with, but by keeping the ultimate goal in mind, and taking a little time to understand the conflict, you can take the first step toward conflict resolution. It may take time and multiple attempts before you succeed. You may even have to alter your plan along the way. But if you can reach your goal, no matter how difficult, you may be able to significantly reduce tension between the two of you, resulting in a better relationship in the future.
No comments:
Post a Comment